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The dreams are getting more vivid. I can’t handle this pain every time waking up from them. I miss you so much it’s hard to admit. I try to think positive but it doesn’t work. I don’t know what to do about it anymore at this point. I don’t think it will ever go away.

Looks like I’ll be shipping out in either September or October. If I ship out in September I’ll be home for Christmas and maybe my birthday. Let’s hope it works out. I’m still getting over everything but it still kinda sucks. I just have moments everyday where I can’t stop thinking about you and I just end up staying sad. Oh well, nothing I can do but let time run by.


Anonymous asked:

Even though it doesn't seem like it on all the social media, I do miss you. I'm just doing my best not to show everyone, including you, how hurt I am inside and how much I miss you. How I regret having sex with another guy because I was so desperate to feel intimacy. I am so proud of you for sticking to the military plan. I hope it works out for the best <3. I love you.

I understand and I miss you too, so much. I’m still a little broken without you but it has been getting better. Thank you, I hope so too <3. I love you Eve. Maybe we will see each other in the future. Till then, I wish you nothing but the best.

If it felt like I stopped caring, I’m sorry. Everything about our relationship I loved, I didn’t stop caring about any of it. You meant the world to me and you still do. Yea I would be on my phone, sometimes longer then I should’ve been and I’m sorry for that. But that doesn’t mean I stopped caring about you or only cared about sex. I don’t think we would’ve been together for almost 2 years if I only cared about the sex. I don’t think I would have drove you to the marine aquarium or go to Canine Classic if I didn’t care. I fucked up and I still blame myself for losing you still. The day I told you I took a semester off because I screwed up, I knew I had to join the military. And after you broke up with me I had some sad fantasies where I would come back from boot camp and I would win you back. Honestly, most of the reason why I’m still joining is because of you. But I never stopped caring. But I can’t change how you think of all of this. All I can tell you is that I would’ve done anything for you. I didn’t pour my heart out to you for 22 months for no reason. I still love you and still think about you everyday. It hurts to think that we will probably never be together again. But there’s noting I can do now. I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye or anything the last time we met.

I don’t know why I keep doing this to myself. It’s so hard to just move on when I put forth everything I had into a relationship. Yea I’m not gunna lie, I’m super fucking bitter. Seeing you being able to move on hurts cause it just feels like you were ready to just ditch me. Everyone keeps telling me someone who just abandons or gives up on you as soon as shit hits the fence isn’t worth the effort. Maybe they’re right, but I still can’t help but feel lost everyday. Yea things have been getting better, but where does it go from here? I set my goal on the Marines, leaving everything behind and hoping that doing one of the most difficult things I can do in my life will help me. See you after boot camp Tumblr. Wish me luck, I’m going to fucking need it hah. Happy blogging!

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